NAMES
***If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
***If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

EATING OUT
***When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw a $20,even thought it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
***When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
***A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
***A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need; it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
***A man has 5 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,a bar of soap and a towel from the Marriott.
***The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
(A man would not be able to identify most of these items).

ARGUMENTS
***A woman has the last word in any argument.
***Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
***A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
***A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
***A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
***A successful woman is one who can find such a man. And any great man has a great woman behind him-----spending like the dickens.

MARRIAGE (Too true to be considered humorous)
***A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he never does.
***A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she always does.

DRESSING UP
****A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book and get the mail.
***A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
***Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed (or so they think)
***Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING – Ahhhh children
***A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret, fears and hopes and dreams.
**A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY...
***Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

AND FINALLY....
*** A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, steers, chickens and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws."

by Dick Kettle